I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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