so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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