Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
