My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
