it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
