2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
