I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
