If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
