i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
