I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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