Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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