Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
