What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Randomize
