theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
