Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
