if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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