Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
