she was so not down for the gang bang
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
