I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i've created a new STD.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
