Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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