And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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