I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
