you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
