Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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