Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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