let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
