Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
