i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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