What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
