my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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