i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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