New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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