I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
