Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
