he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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