Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
