after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
