first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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