i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
