I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
