Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
