and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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