Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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