We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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