just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
