i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
