Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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