At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
as a side note pls kill me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
