At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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