I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
