goodnight i made you a song goodbye
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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