All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
