The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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